


Letters from my Lover

by AJ69



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multi, umm i don't know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-20
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-04-16 08:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4617657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ69/pseuds/AJ69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi writes letters to Eren.<br/>Eren is in a relationship with someone.<br/>One Day Eren got a total of 7/8 letters all for him. Who was it from. Soon he know from whom and why but he is  wasn't quite sure until he opens one by one and the last letter it hit him hard. 7 was HIS favourite number.<br/>But it was too late to respond back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letters from my Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Umm Hey guys this is my first fic or story that i started to write or post and sorry if it is not that good. See more notes at the end.

**Letters From My Lover**

Day 1

It was a bright and early morning. You could feel the warm sun in your skin as you get out to get the mails and the newspaper. As you went through the mails. A car drove by and stop at where you are standing.

It was Hanje and she looks upset. You ask what up with the frown. She told you that Levi died and there was some letters that she is holding.

You tell her that she must be joking. That she and Levi are pulling his leg. She hands you a certificate and it a death certificate of Levi.

“No this is not happening. No why? Just why?” you said as the tears are starting threatening to spills.

“I dont know. I just don't know why it happen or why Levi kept it as a secret from us but all i know is that Erwin was there at his last moments and his last breath”. She said

“What” You are angry by that piece of information. “what did we do that Levi decide to keep it a secret?” you yelled at her.

“I dont know EREN. How can i know? Even Erwin doesn't know until that final day. Okay” she also yelled at you.

Then she said softly while a tear starts to fall then suddenly starts to cry.

“How can I know? All I know that these letters are for you”. She slowly hand it over you.

“Here, Erwin told me that when Levi handed these letters he was smiling”. She added.

You take them gently afraid that they might crumble. That they are a precious treasure that needs to be handled with upmost care.

Slowly you turn and said “ Lets get inside the house and read them”.

“No I can't. I need to prepare His funeral alongside with Erwin” She tells you. “ I will call you about it and the date Okay”.

And all you can do is nod. You stand there looking those letters and you hear her leaving. Leaving you alone with your thoughts and emotions. But Slowly you go back to the house. To read them and wonder what might it contains. You close the door and headed to the kitchen and sit in the dining table thinking about those letters that Levi sent you.

You open the First one dated after a few months when both of you graduate from college.

Letter 1.

Eren. 

How are you? Can you believe that we have separated with our life. Are you happy with him? Are you well? well i am doing my best in life. And what it offers to me I still remember those time where we are laughing and making jokes at people. Ha! I still remember and what about you? do you? Anyways i hope you are happy.

-Levi

P.S Stay strong Idiot.

You smiled at that it was simply and touching and as you mind drifted to those memories of you both doing idiotic and yet struggling for good marks. And then met your future lover. Levi was supportive at you and your love life. And now you wonder if he ever did found someone in his life. You place it back and pick the second. Dated after 3 months after the first.

Letter 2.

Eren.

Hey, how are you? I hope you are fine. I always remember you even though you are not here. Are you happy? even though I am not but I am trying too. Its hard in trying but I have too. I heard that you are going somewhere That is good i hope that you enjoy those adventure. I am working hard to achieve the goals that i have wanted. I can almost reach them I hope you are proud of me even though it is not much But I am Really trying. Until next time.

-Levi

P.S Always remember me dipshit.

You smiled at that one too but he said he is not happy that concerns you and what is he trying and about what! his happiness or his way to achieved his goals. Suddenly you feel anger consuming you because of him not telling you things that is bothering him but you remember that its Levi so obviously he will keep things hidden. like his recent death. But he heard the vacation you went with your lover. How did he know. You wonder because only Hanje knows about it when they accidentally run at each other. Oh maybe she was the one who told Levi. After all Hanje was his relative. Soon you calm yourself down and reached the third letter. It was dated after 4 months after the second.

Letter3.

Eren

How was your adventure? Was it good and enjoyable? I heard from Hange that you enjoyed it. That is good. I hope you are happy I got nothing to ask or write but I hope you are happy.

-Levi

P.S I miss you dumb ass

Yep definitely Hanje. You scoff when Levi wrote he misses you. I mean that can't he not sent these letters to you.You will definitely visit him. He is the dumb ass here. But why these word are tearing your chest so painfully and why he kept asking if you are happy. As you reached the fourth one which is dated after 9 months. You realised that how he knew so much about you while you knew so little. But as you read the 4th one.

Letter 4

I heard you are starting a family. Wow that a huge step I am surprise by that notion But as long you are happy that is all matters right!!!?? haha I got no one in my life right now but there is someone in my mind actually that person has been in my mind for a long time but that doesn't matter right now. Hope you are happy.

-Levi

P.S Good luck.

Okay he has someone on his mind. Wow that is a surprise, you wonder who it is. And he heard about that too. But the only thing that is bothering you is who is this lucky person that haunts him and then you scream.

“Levi you Idiot It does matter to me”.

You never felt so green with envy right now. But it is too late now, you cant do anything and you hope he will explain it in the next letter. The 5th was dated 5 months after the 4th.

Letter 5.

Eren

Hey i finally achieved those goals that I wanted. I am now Complete but somehow there is something missing and i don't feel like celebrating without you here with me. Yes i know i am cheesy and corny but what can i do brat, I am a closet romantic at heart and right now I am not denying it. Are you Happy? I hope you are.

-Levi

P.S You are a dork. Don't forget it.

Ah! his high ambitious goals that he keeps telling you about it with such passion in his eyes. You remember that day. It was the best and that he is willing to share a piece of him with you. You laugh at the memory when he denies that he was a romantic fool while watching a romance movies marathon with you. He kept denying the fact and then you told him that he is in the closet therefore a closet romantic. You smiled by those silly memories you shared with him. Oh! how can you forget about everything about him. Soon you reach the 6th which is dated after 8 months gap

Letter 6.

Dear Eren

I miss you Eren. I really do there is something I wanted to tell you but I don't have the guts too. And when I do its too late I hope you will not be disappointed in me. I hope you are Happy with your life

-levi

P.S I really miss you a lot.

Huh! something he wanted to tell me. What? why? Its too late. It is too LATE. He died without you knowing anything and of course you are disappointed because he left without a word. Fresh hot tears streaming from your face. You want to deny it you really wanted too. But now its too late for everything. You wipe your tears aggressively while reaching the 7th letter you stop and remember that 7 is his favourite number and then all the memories you share came rushing back new hot tears are streaming in your face. You tried to calm down thinking only the happy moment but all that does is worse as the pain in your chest increases. Soon you stop. Feeling worse than wear you decided that you will read the letters another time for now all you want to do is cry because He died and why you do not know.

You carry on with your life, your work and interaction with the family. You told them what had happen and your lover and family feels sympathetic towards you but your lover know that you are grief stricken that Levi died. He knows how close you two are and he knows something about you that you kept hidden it from Levi.

Day 2

Hanje called the next day and that the funeral is held today. All of our classmate will be there. Our batch is called The Recon/The Survey Crops or more likely the Scouting Legions We dubbed ourselves with that name during our stay in our college. With Erwim, Hange, Levi, Mike,Thomas, Misaki, Jean, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Petra, Olou, Gunther, Eld, Nanaba, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Marco, Historia, Ymir and others.

You remember how they are a lively bunch but the news it hit them hard. As You arrive you saw all your classmate, some are crying, some are shock that He died, some look angry but most look upset. As you enter you went straight to his coffin and there he lies peacefully. You could feel all eyes on you. You could hear the murmurs and you feel that something is amiss.

Like you don't know why but there is something you cant put into words as you look at Him. His peaceful face like how he will look while sleeping, his same short undercut hair and how silky when you touch it. How his still young face is the same after 5 year from then until now. Like how He still manage to look the same but the only difference is that he is daed. Gone, No more in this world among the living.

“He is still the same stubborn man as before”. A familiar voice to your left. As you look the owner you found yourself looking at a very tall, blonde hair, blue eye person. This said person is the last one to speak to Levi.

“Well I wouldn't know because on this dying day he was with you” you spoke in anger and the tears are starting to spill from your eyes as you continue.

“Why didn't you tell me? Couldn’t you just give a call or a message that he is dying”. Angry tears are running “Why did he choose you instead of me?” Finally you asked.

“I also wouldn't know. I also happen to know on his last day that he was dying and i was angry at him for keeping us in the dark. Don't you think i wouldn't inform you all and because the fact that he was working with me and still he manage to keep it hidden from me. To say i was in shock upon knowing that his 5 months off was suppose to be a vacation instead of trips to the hospital”.

Erwin said a voice full of emotions but most of it was regret.

“Sorry It just that I expect our reunion should be a happy one not this” You say in a tone of hurt and sadness.

“I know and He knew but at his dying moments all he talks about you and did you read all his letters.”

“No only two more remaining” you said

“You should read it now. Go quick we will bury him tomorrow because there is an important piece of information”. Erwin tells you while shoving you outside.

“Wait! what? Hey I just got here”

“I know” was all he says “but there is something i need to tell you but you need to read those letters first”.

“Okay,okay stop shoving me” Erwin lets go and smile at you but a bitter one.

“I hope you not too upset after reading those last letters”. He says. Now you started to worry at what it contains. You quickly drove to get to the house and starts to read it. It was 2 months before the last one and it say

Letter 7

Dear Eren

In the last letter I wanted to tell you something. Well here goes nothing I Love you. There I have said or in this case wrote it. I know I am a coward for not telling you sooner or personally but there is something going on with me like I might be dying. Yes, Eren I might and I am not joking. These three months I have gone regular check up and the doc did not find anything till recently. I don't know what it is even the doc but its something and I know I'm dying Eren. And the only thing in my mind is that you are happy now with your life and with him and that is the only thing that matters. I hope you are happy Eren.

-Levi

P.S I can finally be free to say/write I Love you.

WHAT you read the letter over and over and over and still you cannot believe it he loves you. Levi Loves you and you didn't know and now you do it already too late and here it seems that even now he still trust you and that you are his number one top list to inform about himself. Fresh tears rolls in your face as you scream “Why?” over and over again and again and kept pulling your hair from its roots as you are down on your knees. Crying and crying and in your mind the only one thought is that He loves you.

You cried till you are exhausted and somehow you manage to sleep on the same spot earlier but you need to finished reading the last letter. It was dated one week before his death

Last letter.

Eren

If you read this then that means that I dead. But for one last time I Love You with all my heart and my life. There is no chance that i will ever fell for another like How I fall in love with you. Hope that you are happy with him Sorry that I cant be him but also know that i will always be your. The scars that you have left me in my heart will always be there and it will be yours forever it saddens me that i could not say this sooner or earlier. But know that I will always give you a chance in my life.

But yet I hope you will continue your happy life with him while I am away. When you told me that you love him I was devastated and heart broken the day he confess to you was also the day i wanted to tell you how i feel toward you but he wins while I stand in the sideline watching you and you being happy. I hope you are.

Note that nothing will ever replace you in inside my heart. Please don't forget me while you are in love with him. I know that this is selfish but i wish you will always remember me. Always try to remember all the fun memories of me even the good and the bad. Because i will always cherish these thoughts. These will make me alive if i ever feel down.

I want to believe that you once loved me but i don't know if i want to believe that. I know you said you love me while I was asleep but I pretend i didn't hear it that maybe i was imaging thing. But i know for certain that no matter what I Will Always Love You. My Sweet Cupcakes but i will always remember you.

Yours Truly Levi

Your Honeydew

P.S I will always love you .

Oh my God why? Why? yes You love him too. Why you were so afraid to love him? Why did you ignore him? Why did you do that to Levi? God Why?

"I am so sorry Levi so so sorry". You ran back to where Levi’s body lay.

It was dark but you ran back. Why did y ourun away from him back then. You were stupid. He was not the coward you are.

You burst in and went straight to Levi there was no one and you didn't see anyone. You cried hard, harder than anything in your life as you are screaming his name

“Levi Levi Levi LEVI Why didn't you tell me. I am so sorry please tell me the truth. I want to hear it from you and I want to hear your voice. Levi Please come back please PLEASE”. Your voice crack at the end while screaming and shouting His name like a mantra .

“Your so stupid, idiotic dumbass dork but I am the one to blame here” You said softly “I'm the idiot who let you go” in such a soft whisper that only the air can carry those word to him.

“I Love you Levi sorry it took so long”.

You took a chair and sat by him looking at him while wishing for the things you have done, have said but most importantly it is too late now there is nothing you can do except expecting to die.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about this

Day 3

It was the day to bury his body and somehow you manage to sleep there right next to him. The person who found you was Hange, she didn't comment that you look worst with your unruly messy hair or your red puffy eyes or your dishevelled attire. She just tells you that Erwin is in one of the extra rooms for clothes you thanked her while she leads you there. You are left alone with Erwin, you told him that you finished reading the letters as your tears started to fall.

“Don't cry. Levi don’t want you to cry. Remember how he will try to stop those tears before they fall” he tells me as you started to remember.

“Yea, I remember.” then silence “Did he really love me back then. During our time in college” You asked.

“Yes, he really did and whenever he come by without you he get all chatty about you and then starts to worry whenever you are late” Erwin tells you.

“But ever since you start dating I could see that he was hurt but all he wanted is for you to be happy so whenever you are happy he was too. But whenever you start hanging and spending more time with your boyfriend back then Levi started to put up walls after walls”

He looks at me and said “but whenever you are around him he looks so carefree and I could see that he really does love and cares about you”

You are crying again and the pain in your chest is choking you. Drowning you so much that it hurts. Erwin is hugging you as he kept silent.

A few hours pass and you both need to go to attend a funeral. You change your clothes and Erwin offers you a tight smile. You just nod but you cant smile because all the hope in you is gone. You put flowers in his coffin as it lower into the ground. All wish goodbyes and went to live there own live while here you stand in the pouring rain question yourself as you try to find the answers now. You didn't realise it was Hange who offered the umbrella and moving into the direction of her car.

You didn't notice anything until she pull up the pavement but the house in front of you is unfamiliar. You both got out of the car and you observe the place it simple and modern. In the front there is a lawn it is neat and surrounded by red roses along with white roses. Which happens to be your favourite.

There is one section in the garden where there is a willow tree and underneath it was black roses circling it.  And you know that is was Levi’s favourite.You smiled at the thought.

“Eren this is Levi’s home. It is now yours.” Hange said You trun to look at her and the house with big eyes “What?”

"Most of the inheritance in Levi's possessions are divided among us Eren. It is said in his will" Hange explain it to you but all in a sad tone.

"But most of it belongs to you now and that what Levi always wanted"

"What? I really appreciated that Levi still thinks about us but I still don't get it" You said 

"But Eren I know that this is a lot to take in but you know how Levi is I mean was and I want you to respect his last wishes. If not for him at least to us" 

"Us? who is Us?" You asked 

"Erwin and I, We both agree that it what Levi would want especially when it concerns about you." She still goes on. "I know Levi Loves you. He loves you so much that we both saw how much he is hurt whenever you are not there. It like pieces of his heart is leaving trials to his lonely soul"

"I......I...I  can't explain I can't I just.....Please don't" you try to hold yourself at what you are left. "I need I want....." you left word word hanging not knowing at what you want for things but you know you can't.

Hange give you a warm hug. "I know Eren I know how you feel. you feel so lost right now. I can't say that everything tis going to be okay but at least try something. like accepting what Levi had given to you".

"okay" You choke out. "Okay i will".

Hange gives you a small smile " So lets go inside. You know this would be your first time in his house".

“Yea….I know but it is also sad to think that i am visiting to his place at this time” You state.

“Lets go inside I know you will love it” Hange said.

As you walk towards the house you took notice at the surrounding. Levi’s place have a nice view toward the sea and only that the place looks a bit secluded and free from wailing children and the yelling mothers. 

As you reached the front door you notice a nameplate and it wrote “Magnolia”.

“Magnolia as in the flower or a name say Hange tell me” you asked 

“The flower Eren, recently he had been obsess with them come you should see the backyard”. 

You set foot at his house for the first time. Shaking yourself to get a grip and as got in you could feel the warm and comfort and it puts a smile at your face. You look at Hange and you see that she is also smiling. She took a glance at you and saw you smiling.

“Its nothing much even though it is fancy for my taste but its home”. She said 

“Yea.” You said while a smile a small one but it is a contentment and peaceful one is forming as you said those words.

 

Hange took you a tour around the house to say you are impressed and loving it even more. Its like your dream house and you couldn't keep your eyes still as you keep glancing from the sofa to the lights, then to the windows which in fact have an awesome view then you wander to the dinning room and then to the kitchen then goes to the living room then you see photos by the mantelpiece and as you went to observe the pictures consist of college photos.

There is one photo that caught your eyes. There is you and him smiling like crazy in formal's. 

He is wearing a suit but instead of a tie he wore his white cravat. The only white clothing in this picture where everything is black. Even his shirt but he look so handsome in here compared to you. You were wearing a beige suit, white shirt and a forest green tie.

You remember this. It was a dinner celebrating the day that both of you passed your third year in college. Both of you were happy that you both passed with good marks so you decided to go out. You thought that maybe go both should go to a fast food then come back to the dorm not expecting a full blown dinner like making reservations and eating expensive as shit food plus drinking wine like those in romance novels. But damn you were enjoying it and so was he.

But you cant drink much because you don't want to get drunk in alcohol but Levi drank most of it and not losing his cool but he was a bit tipsy. Laughing and smiling and giggling at the silliest things. It was the most fun memory after the whole ordeal with these past few days events. 

You put back the picture and glance through the rest. There a few of them like one of them is with Erwin and Hange in front of a building with Levi in the middle and scowling and both to each by his side. The others are college photos in groups none are solo but there is one that caught your eyes. Its you sleeping. Huh! you don't remember that. 

“Levi you sneaking little ass”. 

“If he hears you saying that he will scrub your mouth with soap”. Hange said at the entrance.  
“I know but i didn't know when he took this”. You explain to Hange 

“I think its before graduation if i remember. I accidentally saw the photo in his laptop one day and i kept asking when did took it. He just say graduation that it.” Hange tells you 

“Come lets go up” Hange bounce to you and grab your arm dragging you.

“So what do you think?” She asked

“I think i like it. It is so Levi. It is clean with no dirt around” You said

“Hmm” she agrees with you 

She lead to to all the rooms and finally you both stop in front the last room.

“This is the master bedroom or should I say his room” Hange said

Suddendly your heart is in your throat and sweats start to form in your palms of your hand.

Hange is looking at you expecting you to make the final decision. You slowly lift up your hand at the doorknob then twist it open.

At first you notice that the walls are deep blue blended with steel grey that almost resemble his eyes. Then your eyes landed at the master bed located in the middle which have emerald green bed covers and pillows, his work desk is in the far right conner which have bits of paper stack in one place. He have a walk in closet and adjoining bathroom which is so clean.

You are not surprise if the place starts to smell like bleach.What really caught your eyes was the view for the balcony. You went straight and open the sliding doors and took a deep breath or more likely stop breathing. The view from his room is spectacular and in a conner there was a table and two chairs.

You went and sit and Hange came and sit the other. You both were silent enjoying the view that the world has to offer. 

“This was his spot” Hange declared “This and his garden.” 

“He kept a garden.” You asked 

“yea, didn't I tell you about it.”Hange look at you confused then it drawn to you at the earlier conversation.

“Oh! I remember it now. Can we go look at it now”.

“Sure, come”. She pulls you from your seat taking you to the back then your breath once again catches your throat because the sight you see it is something. It beautiful it is like another world you never see.

" [This](http://arleyarboretum.co.uk/gardens/magnolia-garden.aspx).......is....…..it’s……” You can't even get the words out of your mouth.

“It is something alright. He spends here tending it and now just look how beautiful it is.” Hange says 

“Yes it is” You say but words cant describe the feelings right now. A small breeze came by and somehow you could hear his voice saying 

“Welcome home.”

A flash of memories came in your head seeing him so happy, content.

“Hange I think I have decide to stay here. I think I have finally found home.” you said 

 

You went back with Hange, back to your lover house. A few days later you rarely came back to your lover house you spend your time in Levi’s _NO_  your home.

So a few weeks pass by till the guilt is eating you away.

One time your lover caught you leaving in the late evening asking you where you are going you just replied “somewhere” you didn't even give him a chance to ask more questions and you didn't even try to explain to him.

Some days you never stay in your lover place. You keep on doing this for 3 months and one day you pack your belongings and waited for him to come.

You decided to tell him the truth and asking forgiveness to the thing you are about going to do.

Its 4:30 he arrives with the children you tell him that you both need to talk you both send the children upstairs and you sat by the kitchen.

“I am sorry but there is something I need to tell you and you are going to hate me for it.” You say to your lover but you cant look him in the eyes the shame.

“These pass few weeks i rarely come here as you notice. But there is a reason for it. I….”

“Tell me are you seeing someone.” He ask you in a calm tone 

“No There isn’t.” 

“Then why?”

“The reason” he cut you off

“Is it you hate me?” he ask

“No why would you….” he cuts you off again

“Don't love me ? ” he asked

“I….I…I” you stutter as you cant find the words

“It is isn't it, there is someone” he cuts you off but his tone is mix with both anger and hurt

“Yes. But…” you tried to explain but again he cuts you off

“But WHAT?” he asked with irritation

“HE IS DEAD” You almost yelled with those words and there is silence none of you didn't say anything. 

“I saw the letter so I knew it would come to this.” He says 

“huh!”

“I knew back then you loved him and you still do I was blind and I took advantage at you I was selfish to let you go back then I just don't want to lose you.” He left you thinking with those words.

“I always know that I always have a competition for you and that is Levi. when I heard that he died I was so glad that he did. I know that I shouldn't think like that but I just cant stop and I am sorry, so sorry. Please trust me that I will always be by your side no matter the situation maybe.” He looks at you in the eyes determination and honesty in them.

“So you knew that he loved me.” You said softly

“Yes I did and I thought that maybe he might moved on.”

“Why?” Was all you can ask right now

“I am going to tell you something. okay.” He says 

“okay………….”

“I………I………I want to tell you the truth. I found someone and I am selfish to let you go”

“WHAT??? so basically you are trying to say is that you are having an affair. And for how long? Tell me how long” 

You manage to say this but it now only a whisper that you yourself  and you don't want to hear the truth.

Silence between the two of you and you think all this time your marriage means nothing it is just a namesake that you are happy but you are not

"7 months we are seeing each other and I still am seeing her."

Oh 

"Then what about the kids" You asked.

"She loves them and I do too. What about you?"

"I think its better that you two look after them and we get a divorce yes."

"Yea that would be better" 

"Okay then, I will be going then"

"Is this goodbye, for the both of us." He asked and you replied

"Yes, it is. Goodbye and take care I hope you both will be happy."

"And I hope you will find happiness and goodbye." I look at him. He smile and that was the last thing I see from him. 

 

As you leave him, your memories with him replayed in your mind and yet you didn't feel anything but somehow you feel relief wash all over you and as you took off your wedding ring you left it in the mailbox.

 

For the first you feel like you wanted to go home and as you reached home you are happy, very happy.

 

yet to be continued.......

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there will be more just sorry for everything if the story is lacking something and Thank you for reading this.

**Author's Note:**

> yea so in this story Eren is in a relationship with a character who I don't want to acknowledge here so yes this OC is unknown or a Jane Doe haha but I hope you enjoy it.  
> Anyways comment and share your thought and how is it and all that jazz


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